/ if all i say /

if all i say is that
i'm sorry, how
it would burn my tongue
as those blank words fell,
tortured and hollow
from my lips, lackluster
as these, silent as they are,
riddled across the 'page'

i would that i knew that...though
if all i say is bounded, fixed
in time on play, and looping
i'd press mute, or pause, or
stop
it's more often than not, 
that i find myself wanting 
wanton, almost - 
breathlessly
   uncentered,
though at times /// too ///
calm beyond reason
able, /// even /// as if 
i never said anything
at all - if anything,
i'm sorry...

if all i say is this

of my attempt, what with
this terrible language?
endless /// furlongs /// /// of ///
and hopelessly
fractured phrases 
are these, torn as they are
from love worn pages 
of now tangled tomes
/// in my mind ///, yet
if all i say
is that, i'm sorry

then why or what for?

why? and how 
it and you and i
would be or was
for naught, was it not?
perhaps. /// not ///
because i've said nothing,
at all. not even that 
i'm sorry - or what,
or why, or how 
all that i say
seems so /// wanting ///

if all i say
is or was nothing
now, wonting as i am
to say something
but
    my
       words 
             hang,
                   wanting
space     /for/     simple
moments, if only seconds
to say i am sorry, 
for all that i didn't say, love
alas -
owing to this vapid vernacular
the bad /// the /// good
byes are all 
so heavy /// all ///
/// in my mind ///
suffocating 
my heart
/// and /// strangling my soul
without your being
here, then, i shall say
nothing, less
if all i say /// is ///
in this /// nothingness ///
outside of sorry
is /// nothing but ///
miss